18 Tips to be a Better Conversationalist

“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.” — Tony Robbins

Engaging in meaningful and interesting conversations is an essential skill that can enrich your personal and professional life. Being an excellent conversationalist isn’t just about talking; it’s about creating a connection, maintaining engagement, and ensuring that both parties enjoy the interaction. Here are some key strategies to help you become a master of conversation.

1. Recognise and Use Bait

Bait: In conversation, “bait” refers to intriguing statements or questions that can lead to development of the conversation. You don’t want a conversation to be an interview, especially men do this, and instead of giving away all the details at once, drop hints that invite curiosity of lines of conversation to go into. You can also recognise when the other person is dropping bait of lines of conversation that can be explored.

Example:

• Instead of saying, “I just got back from a trip to Japan,” you could say, “I had the most amazing experiences in Japan last week that involved sushi and a traditional tea ceremony.”
• Usually by leaving off bait there is more there to interest and engage the other person.

How It Works: This approach encourages the other person to ask follow-up questions, which helps keep the conversation flowing naturally.

2. Make Statements, Not Just Questions

Statements vs. Interview: While asking questions is important, too many can make the conversation feel like an interview. Instead, make statements that provide information and invite the other person to respond.

Example:

• Instead of asking, “Do you like traveling?” say, “Traveling is one of my passions, especially exploring new cultures and cuisines.”

How It Works: Statements share a part of yourself, which helps build rapport and gives the other person something to connect with or comment on.

3. Assume Rapport

Assume Rapport: Act as if you already have a good relationship with the person you’re speaking to. This mindset helps create a relaxed and friendly atmosphere.

Example:

• Use a warm tone, smile, and engage in light-hearted banter as you would with a close friend.

How It Works: Assuming rapport helps the other person feel comfortable and valued, making them more likely to open up and enjoy the conversation.

4. Make Guesses About People

Make Guesses: Making educated guesses about people can show that you’re observant and interested in them.

Example:

• “You seem like someone who enjoys hiking. Have you been on any interesting trails lately?”

How It Works: Even if your guess is wrong, it provides a springboard for conversation. If you’re correct, it shows that you’re perceptive and engaged.

5. Follow on from Related Topics

Follow-On: When someone mentions something, follow up with related topics to deepen the conversation.

Example:

• If someone mentions they love coffee, you might say, “I recently discovered a local coffee shop that roasts their own beans. Do you have a favorite place?”

How It Works: This technique keeps the conversation cohesive and demonstrates that you’re listening and interested in what the other person has to say.

6. Tell Engaging Stories

Storytelling: Good stories have a clear structure: setup, problem, and resolution. Practice telling stories that are relevant and interesting.

Example:

• Setup: “Last summer, I decided to try skydiving for the first time.”
• Problem: “As soon as I jumped out of the plane, I realized I forgot to secure my GoPro camera.”
• Resolution: “Thankfully, the instructor was quick to react and managed to grab it before it fell. The footage turned out amazing, and it’s a memory I’ll never forget.”

How It Works: Stories make conversations more engaging and memorable. They allow you to share experiences and connect on a deeper level.

7. Follow Conversations Naturally

Follow Conversations: Let the conversation flow naturally rather than rigidly sticking to your planned topics.

Example:

• If the discussion about travel leads to talking about food, don’t force it back to travel. Explore the new topic fully.

How It Works: This flexibility makes the conversation feel more organic and enjoyable.

8. Practice and Prepare Stories

Practice: Regularly practice telling your stories and keep a mental or written list of anecdotes that you can draw from in different situations.

Example:

• Write down a few key points about each story to ensure you remember the details and can tell them smoothly.

How It Works: Being prepared with interesting stories helps you feel more confident and ready to engage in various topics.

9. Use the persons name more

From the book “How to make friends and interest people”. People love the sound of their own name. It makes them light up. Use it more.

10. Be positive and energetic

A positive attractive personality and good energy helps you to be a better conversationalist. Go to the gym, do more interesting stuff that makes you come alive. It makes you more interesting.

11. Put yourself in the other persons shoes

Very few people actually do this. Just imagine what it’s like to be that person. You can imagine being that person. What would you want? Remember that most people really don’t think about others that much, so you don’t need to be self conscious. They have so many things going on in their life They are more concerned with themselves.

12. Practice

The more you practice, the better you get. You might not be very good at first. These days, with the rise of the internet, many of us might struggle with conversation or lose interest. But through practice and repetitions you can improve and become much better and unlock this beautiful art to understand and connect with people.

13. Become more interested in other people

You become interesting by being interested in others. There are always lessons we can learn from others, whoever they are. They all have unique perspectives. Cultivate this interest and be open minded. Conversation can be better than any book.

14. Be curious

Be curious and follow what you are interested in. It’s the easiest way to lead the conversation to keep you interested and follow the topic that interests you and find a topic that interests you both.

15. Be yourself, be courageous and vulnerable

You can become a better conversationalist by being true to you and authentic. Don’t be afraid to take risks. You can connect with people better by just being yourself. People appreciate it. Don’t be bland and the same as everyone just to fit in. Being yourself is valuable because you are unique. Recognise that you might make mistakes and that’s fine. You are not going to be a great conversationalist without taking risks.

16. Understand context and learn from others

Having said that, you can learn what topics are common and what do capable conversationalists discuss, and what do poor conversationalist do? Different groups, and tribes, and languages, communicate in different ways.

17 – Practice Active Listening

Active Listening: Listen actively and show that you are paying attention. It helps them to feel heard and that you’re really listening.

Example:

• Summarize what the other person has said to show that you understand: “So, I get what you say, it sounds like the project was challenging but quite rewarding, what would you have done differently?”

How It Works: Active listening demonstrates that you are engaged and interested in the conversation.

18. Write more

Writers sometimes make the best conversationalists because they think cleanly and can deeply understand the topic. It helps you understand the topic and gives you easier access to the ammunition of words and ideas.

Conclusion

Becoming an excellent conversationalist involves a combination of skills: using bait to spark interest, making engaging statements, assuming rapport, making guesses, following related topics, telling compelling stories, and letting conversations flow naturally. Practice these techniques regularly, and you’ll find yourself connecting more deeply and meaningfully with others. With time and effort, you’ll become a master of conversation, able to navigate any social or professional situation with ease.

Quotes about Being a Better Conversationalist

“The art of communication is the language of leadership.” — James Humes

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” — Tony Robbins

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” — Peter Drucker

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” — George Bernard Shaw

“Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.” — Anne Morrow Lindbergh

“Effective communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel about what you know.” — Jim Rohn

“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” — Rudyard Kipling

“Communication works for those who work at it.” — John Powell

“Speak in such a way that others love to listen to you. Listen in such a way that others love to speak to you.” — Anonymous

“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.” — Rachel Naomi Remen

“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.” — Tony Robbins

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” — Epictetus

“Conversation, like certain portions of the anatomy, always runs more smoothly when lubricated.” — Marquis de Sade

“Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.” — J. Isham

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” — Dale Carnegie

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.” — Hans Hofmann

“The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.” — Mark Twain

“To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well.” — John Marshall

“Effective communication is built on the cement of trust. And trust is based on trustworthiness, not politics.” — Stephen Covey

“Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy, and mutual valuing.” — Rollo May