“Intense love does not measure, it just gives.” Mother Teresa
What makes a great marriage?
A great marriage is a delicate balance of managing emotions, fostering personal growth, and navigating the dynamic interplay between friction and synergy. In this article, we’ll explore these key aspects and offer insights on how to cultivate a fulfilling and resilient partnership in 17 steps.
Here are some thoughts and things I’ve learnt from my minimal experience.
Most of the conflict comes from:
– After the honeymoon phase, reality sets in. It’s natural to lose some of the attraction and spark when you are with each other everyday. This is the next phase, when friendship becomes important, and giving each other space to keep growing.
– Personal development (what kind of problems would you have if you were by yourself?), being with someone else doesn’t make that go away. When two people have issues like this, it can magnify.
– We need to continue growing as individuals and we need space to do that, to discover new things by ourselves, and realise who we are. We need periods of being together and being alone so we can grow and realise who we are now that we have been with another person for some time. We can’t give when we are not full ourselves. We need time to fill ourselves up.
– We need to grow together and have shared goals and a share path, and we need a leader
– We need to be better off together than apart
– We need to have continued positive emotions and experiences together that outweigh the bad
Drama Vs Peace
The challenge in relationships often lies in the fact that women are generally more emotionally driven than men. However, a natural solution to this is for a man to remain unapologetically true to himself. By doing so, he naturally triggers a spectrum of emotions in a woman, allowing her to experience the emotional rollercoaster that brings her a sense of vitality. Instead of attempting to constantly appease or satisfy her, which can be an elusive and unattainable goal, a man should focus on being the best version of himself. This includes providing a variety of experiences, such as traveling, that enrich the relationship and foster mutual growth.
“Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” – Ronald Reagan
“The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself.” – Garth Brooks
Growth
A marriage is about growth – going towards a destination together.
Friction is when you can’t be yourself and develop yourself because you have someone who is in your way and questioning you, or critical.
Synergy is when you are both aligned and moving faster together towards your destination than if you were going alone.
Every relationship has to have both. It’s a journey, and when you encounter problems you are going to face it from different perspectives and in different ways. Periods of friction and synergy is how a relationship works.
The goal is to reduce friction, and increase synergy.
Friction Vs Synergy
A marriage is not just about being together; it’s about growing together and moving towards a shared destination. This journey involves both friction and synergy, which are integral parts of any relationship. Understanding and managing these dynamics can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling partnership.
Friction in Marriage
Friction arises when there is a clash of personalities, goals, or values. It can manifest as constant questioning, criticism, or a feeling of being hindered by your partner. This can lead to a situation where you can’t fully be yourself or pursue your personal development because you feel obstructed or undermined.
Synergy in Marriage
On the other hand, synergy occurs when both partners are aligned and support each other’s growth. It’s about moving faster together towards your shared goals than you would alone. Synergy is characterized by mutual respect, understanding, and a sense of teamwork.
Every relationship will experience both friction and synergy. The key is to navigate these dynamics effectively. Here are some strategies to reduce friction and increase synergy in your marriage:
- Give Each Other Space: Allow each other the freedom to explore individual interests and passions. This personal growth can enrich the relationship and bring new perspectives.
- Communicate Openly: Share your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly with your partner. Honest communication can prevent misunderstandings and build trust.
- Respect Differences: Acknowledge that you and your partner may have different approaches to life. Respect these differences and find ways to complement each other.
- Work on Shared Goals: Identify common objectives and work towards them as a team. Shared goals can provide direction and a sense of purpose for your relationship.
- Practice Empathy: Try to see things from your partner’s perspective. Empathy can help you understand their actions and reactions, reducing conflict.
- Celebrate Each Other’s Successes: Recognize and celebrate each other’s achievements, both big and small. This can boost morale
- Seeing from each others perspective – Seeing things from your partner’s perspective is a crucial aspect of reducing friction and increasing synergy in a relationship. When you make an effort to understand your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and motivations, it fosters empathy and compassion. This empathetic approach can help you respond more constructively to conflicts and differences, ultimately strengthening your connection and collaboration as a couple and strengthen your bond.
- Adaptability: Being flexible and open to change is crucial in a relationship. Circumstances and individuals evolve over time, and adaptability allows you to navigate these changes together.
- Forgiveness: Holding onto grudges can create unnecessary friction. Forgiveness is essential for moving past conflicts and maintaining a healthy relationship.
- Self-awareness: Understanding your own emotions, triggers, and communication style can help you interact more effectively with your partner and reduce potential friction.
- Setting Expectations: Clearly communicating your expectations and understanding your partner’s expectations can prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflicts.
- Quality Time: Regularly spending quality time together helps maintain a strong connection and build synergy. It’s important to prioritize your relationship amidst busy schedules.
- Physical Affection: Physical touch, such as hugs, kisses, and holding hands, can strengthen your bond and increase feelings of closeness and synergy.
- Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present in your relationship, reduce reactivity, and approach conflicts with a calm and clear mind.
- Personal Development: Investing in your own personal growth can positively impact your relationship. As you become a better version of yourself, you contribute more positively to the partnership.
- Shared Experiences: Creating new experiences together, such as traveling, trying new activities, or tackling challenges, can strengthen your bond and increase synergy.
- Gratitude: Regularly expressing gratitude for your partner and the relationship can foster a positive atmosphere and reinforce the value of your partnership.
Marriage takes work
Marriage is often seen as a journey of love and companionship, but it is also a powerful catalyst for personal growth and self-improvement. When problems arise in a marriage, they can serve as a mirror, reflecting areas where we need to develop ourselves further.
Every challenge in a marriage presents an opportunity for introspection and self-reflection. Instead of viewing conflicts as purely external issues, we can use them to understand our own behaviors, reactions, and emotional triggers. This self-awareness is the first step toward self-improvement.
In a marriage, we are exposed to our vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Our partner’s actions and words can touch on our deepest insecurities and fears. While this can be uncomfortable, it also provides a unique chance to confront these aspects of ourselves and work on them.
Personal growth in a marriage requires a willingness to accept feedback and criticism from our partner. It’s about being open to their perspective and understanding that their insights can help us become better versions of ourselves. This doesn’t mean we have to agree with everything they say, but rather that we consider
Furthermore, the process of self-improvement in marriage is not a solo endeavor. It involves a mutual commitment from both partners to support each other’s growth and to work through challenges together. This collaborative effort strengthens the relationship and fosters a deeper connection.
As we develop ourselves within the context of our marriage, we learn to let go of ego and embrace humility. We recognize that growth is a lifelong journey, and there is always room for improvement. This mindset allows us to approach conflicts with a constructive attitude, seeking solutions that benefit both partners.
In addition, personal growth in marriage can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship. As we become more self-aware, emotionally intelligent, and compassionate, we are better equipped to meet our partner’s needs and build a stronger, more resilient bond.
Ultimately, the work we put into developing ourselves in marriage is an investment in our relationship’s future. It requires patience, dedication, and a willingness to face uncomfortable truths. But the rewards are immeasurable, as we not only become better partners but also more fulfilled individuals.
Related Quotes
Growth is never by mere chance; it is the result of forces working together.” – James Cash Penney
“Love is not a mere sentiment or emotion; it is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation.” – Rabindranath Tagore
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin
“Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.” – Henry Ford
“The beauty of a relationship is when you get used to a person; it is not sudden. It is just a process, and you don’t realize when love happens.” – Randeep Hooda
“Synergy is the creation of a whole that is greater than the simple sum of its parts.” – Ray French
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates
Dr. Maya Angelou: “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”
Friedrich Nietzsche: “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
Mother Teresa: “Intense love does not measure, it just gives.”
Mignon McLaughlin: “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
Robert Brault: “To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.
Recommended Poem
Then Almitra spoke again and said, And what of Marriage, master?
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of your be alone,
Even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
From The Prophet (Knopf, 1923)
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, a great marriage is a beautiful and complex tapestry woven from threads of emotional understanding, personal growth, and a harmonious balance between friction and synergy. It requires effort, commitment, and a willingness to embrace both the challenges and joys of sharing a life together. By giving each other space, communicating openly, respecting differences, and working towards shared goals, couples can navigate the dynamic landscape of marriage. Ultimately, the strength of a marriage lies in the ability of both partners to grow individually and together, creating a partnership that is resilient, fulfilling, and deeply connected. As we continue on this journey, let us remember that the essence of a great marriage is not in the absence of conflict, but in the presence of love, understanding, and the unwavering commitment to each other’s happiness and well-being.
Share your insights
What do you think makes a great marriage? Do let me know your comments in the description
